


things will get better.

by shxdes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Crying, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Sad Dave Strider, Short, a lot of like quick sentences, a lot of repeating phrases, all of his friends have said that phrase at least once, and hes like hahaha shut up, bro is mentioned in my weird metaphoric daze, dave is on the bathroom floor, haha i dont remember i just wrote, i dont even know what to tag this actually, i think??, i wrote this when i got really sad, little swearing, lowercase fyi, there is no comfort, theres a lot of tags, this is prolly a vent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23716243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shxdes/pseuds/shxdes
Summary: everyone has said things will get better, well how better?when the name of the one who raised you cant seem to get out of your head
Kudos: 14





	things will get better.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on april 1st and was like wow this is shit  
> this is kinda personal to me too cause its more on a venting purpose  
> iunno enjoy sorry for all the tags i never stfu when i need to  
> and they prolly dont make any sense  
> just like sad dave sometimes dawg

everyone had told you things will get better overtime, that his words won't orbit around you or his presence won't linger near your shoulder, ghosting you. everyone said "things will get better," but how better? nothing seems to last longer than a few weeks before the words and actions he caused, comes back like a punch in the face - quite literally, and figuratively. 

  
  
all sudden. all quick. violent, harsh, emotional pain, you lived through years after years. nothing seemed to work, no remedy of a healthy mechanism leaked inside you and the words you tried to offer only backfired. you were too scared, too goddamn scared to get the help you deserve. all from what? a lunatic guardian with no real guidelines of a social status to young kids? a guardian whose only motive in life is to torment and make you stronger.

  
  
you learned. yes. you learned a lot. you know how to wield a sword now, but that doesn't help with anything when it's the only blade around. you learned different actions, you learned vaguely how to flash-step, how to dodge. you can't dodge him. you never learned how.

  
  
what if he did that so he was the only one to win after every strife you two started? countless times you tried to impress him, give a new move! a new action! surprise attack! you're on his shoulder, jump off it! nothing ever seemed to catch his attention. you don't catch his attention.

  
  
sometimes you think you are talking to no one in the house, sometimes you try to talk to him and he listens. sometimes he listens. sometimes he dismisses you quickly, leaving you alone in the room where you voice lingers in the air for a good few minutes before realizing he left. sometimes you often think you are the cause of his violence. you are the cause for everything and he has to put up with you, out of everyone on this planet, you. you were sadly given to him when he didn't want to raise a kid. you think to yourself, you deserve it, he would been so happy without you, huh?

  
  
everyone around you always said "things will get better." you think they're full of it. you hear it so much the phrase means absolutely nothing to you. maybe things will for them. maybe you are only viewing it from your perspective, the negative outlook on life and negativity it weighs on you. maybe that's why you can never see the best parts of life.

  
  
that's the difference between you and them, the happy-go-lucky friends of yours always count up with the upbeat of their voices and the applauding of their talkative hands. you are the exact opposite.

  
  
they say things will get better.

  
  
things will get better.

  
  
things as in the bathroom floor is freezing against your legs, your body is curled up in the tightest of balls and you are trying so hard to not make a noise of your mouth or nose. that you look to not be moving to hide the fact that you cannot tolerate his words anymore. you can't handle this any longer. your hands are gripping tightly at your hair, hard enough to practically rip it out. everything hurts.

  
  
you, your body, your head. you want to let it all out, you want it gone out of your system. you need a break. you can't handle this any longer.

  
  
if someone says things will get better one more fucking time you might snap.

  
  
nothing has gotten better. nothing ever does. he is engrave in your brain, carved his initials and all into your head that his voice is recognizable. your ears ring, his voice looms over you, towering you from all those years. it's terrifying. it's so terrifying. all you want to do is get better. but you can't. you do not know what to do anymore.

  
  
it's the same bullshit. one after another. you stare, shakily your eyes try to focus on one thing, and only one thing. you stare. you continue to stare in hopes of it to help. you stare. you stare. you STARE. nothing.

  
  
like usual.

  
  
your head is pounding. you can't think straight at all.

  
  
"things will get better," you say, sourly dry, after minutes that felt like hours laying on the cold bathroom floor.

  
  
you don't understand that phrase anymore. it's pitiful. 

  
  
aren't you pitiful?

  
  
you stare. shaky. eyes starting to water. vision blurry. you lost it. you lost everything in that cool kid facade of yours, and cried for the first time in months. hard and aching, but it felt so nice. the floor was growing wet with the tears you spilled, but you couldn't care less. it felt so nice. to express an emotion without it backfiring you, without being told "you cannot cry," in your ears, blaring like a speaker.   
  
you stayed in that fetal position only to cry your eyes out enough to fall asleep on the bathroom floor.

  
  
for a second, you thought you understand the phrase.

  
  
for once you thought everything could get better, if letting it out means anything anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> ive been on a 2 yr hiatus on this site because i had nothing interesting to type  
> i dont really go on here as much anymore and prolly should cause this is a fun site  
> my writings gotten a lot better during the 2 yrs and it shows  
> i probably wont write a lot on here though but if i have drafts ill jus show em


End file.
